just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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