Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize