dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
