if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
