i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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