Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
