Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
