you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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