After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
