Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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