I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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