normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
