I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
