Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
