he puts the penis in happiness.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
