Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
