problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
