I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
