What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
