if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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