I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this is an emotional support booty call
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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