I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
