we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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