No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've changed since you got that strap on
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
