someone threw a dead crab at me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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