Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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