I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize