i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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