a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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