I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
