So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize