I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Houston, we have a blender
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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