He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
