I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
