I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
