my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
