I could have mohawked her pubes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize