I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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