i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
