cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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