My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
