im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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