tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
