You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
