shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
