so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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