He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
