So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
