I want to have your abortion
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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