I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
