i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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