ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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