I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize