I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
