And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
