we have officially lost it.
My room smells like vodka and shame
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
