We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
