So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
