those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
