you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
