You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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