I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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