just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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