Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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