I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
