Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
