She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
