i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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