I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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