Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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