flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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