I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
