I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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