I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
