If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm passing your future prison.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
