That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
