Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
