so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
