just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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