My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize