Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
