people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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