she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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