everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
