ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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