we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
