Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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