dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
