When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
