she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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