just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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