now i know why i became what i already was.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
