thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
