Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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