U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
