hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
