Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
